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Everybody's a comedian...

So why aren't I?

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Here's some funny sayins of friends, family, and others! Enjoy!

(in response to my saying that guys don't realize that I'm actually a chick)
I used to feel the same exact way. Guys ignored ME all through highschool too but that didn't bother me one damned bit! (It was the GIRLS' ignoring me that stung like hell.) But believe me, you'll find some Beatley John look-alike, hippy, pacifistic, ultra-liberal, vegetarian nut-case someday and he will be NUTS ABOUT YOU!!!! I promise you, it will happen!!!!
-Ron

I was singing and not thinking, and I went to take a drink from my glass and I was still singing. Then I just started blowing bubbles and got it on me. --- Josh D.

"I like animals. If you talk to a dog or a cat it doesn't tell you to shut up." -Marilyn Monroe

Hahaha, I love getting funny birthday wishes! Here's some that I got!


Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday you Sexylicious Auburn-haired Tasty Treat Decoratin' Guitar strummin' George-o-holic Cheerleader hatin' Baby sittin' Cat lovin' Sax playin' Fantasy lovin' Mythological Crazy Psychotic Guru and Annie's mom......
Happy Birthday to you.....and many morrrrrrre!

Happy Birthday Skylar!!!
~Randall~

Happy b-day you fan fic lovin, guitar playin, hilarious grecian goddess.....
Peace, Love and you say it's your birthday?
Nis

Found in a fortune cookie:

"You are a poor, pathetic, gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products."

A man in Paris almost got away with stealing several paintings from an art museum. After plotting the crime, breaking into the museum, avoiding security, sneaking out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

-I got this in one of my daily emails, and I found it rather amusing, being an artist meself.

More funnies I've gotten in me email.
 
 

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father.." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

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Another song by Randall for me!
 
 
I was listening to Jimi today and had a brainstorm, that goes  something like this....
 
Alright, now dig this, baby
You don't care about cheerleaders and I don't care about that
You go to Marching Band, ha, I'm laughing about that
 I have only one burning desire,
 Let me stand next to you, Skylar
 Hey,
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Let me stand,
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Whoa, let me stand, baby,
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar),
Let me stand,
 (Let me stand next to you, Skylar),
 
Now listen here, baby, and stop actin' so crazy
You want to go to the Who,
That ain't my concern,
But if you see the GUESS WHO
Then you won't get burned,
I have only one itchin' desire,
Let me stand next to you, Skylar
Yeah
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Let me stand, baby
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Let me stand
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Oh, let me stand
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
 
Now dig this!
HA! Now listen, baby
You try to give me your money
You better save it, babe
Save it for the Rockn'Roll Hall of Fame
I have only one burnin' desire,
Let me stand next to you, Skylar
 
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Uh, let me stand
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Oh, let me stand, baby
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
I ain't gonna do you no harm
(Let me stand next to you, Skylar)
Yeah, You better move over, baby
I ain't gonna hurt ya, baby
Ah, yes, this is Randall talkin' to you
Yeah, baby, Doooo
 
There's TROUBLE my friends,
Trouble in New York City,
With a capital T,
And that rhymes with SG,
And that spells SapphireGryphon. ;)
~Randall

I love Randall! He says some of the funniest things!

Then "Psychotic Guru" it is! 8o)

Skylar's not the only soul who's accused of hit and run,
Tire tracks all across the cheerleaders backs, I can,
I can see Skylar's had her fun,
But ah, can't she see the signals turn from green to red,
And with Skylar, I see a Psychotic Guru straight up ahead....

"You're just like a...(Psychotic Guru), so hard to get through to you...."

"I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, Skylar's the walrus, Psy cho tic G'ru"


It won't be long yeh, yeh,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
Till Skylar comes to Parma.
Ev'ry night when ev'rybody has fun,
There is Beth sitting all on her own,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
It won't be long yeh, yeh,
Till Skylar comes to Parma.
There should be a club meeting at that RRHOF! But other than the RRHOF, is there anything else to do in Ohio? LOL
Geez Beth, you have some luverly friends, except not! At least Em won't do that to you. :)
You telling lies thinkin' Beth can't see
You can't cry 'cause you're laughin' at Bethy
She's down (Beth's really down)
She's down (Down on the ground)
She's down (Beth's really down)
How can you laugh, when you know Beth's down?
(How can you laugh?) When you know Beth's down.


"Hey Skylar, where ya goin' with that gun in your hand...."

Hugo: A basset hound who lived with Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller at their East 57th Street apartment in New York. Once, Norman Rosten and Marilyn spoon-fed straight scotch to Hugo to cheer him up. When Marilyn and Arthur split up, Arthur retained possession of Hugo.

A/N-is that legal??? I really don't think it is! :D

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Here are some jokes that are emailed to me daily that I found especially humourous.



What are a woman's four favorite animals?

A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a jackass who'll pay for it all.



An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar and all order a Guinness. While they are talking, a fly lands and gets trapped in the head of each pint.

When the Englishman turns to his beer, he sees the fly, and pushes away the pint disgustedly.

When the Scotsman sees the fly, he gently fishes it out of the brew, and sets it free.

When the Irishman notices the it trapped in his beer, he grabs the fly, turns it upside-down and yells "SPIT IT OUT YOU BLOODY BASTARD, SPIT IT OUT!"

Sometimes it's a good thing to have your cat declawed.
 
Especially when he's wantin' some baby back ribs. Specifically those of my annoying as hell younger cousin Vinnie. 'Twould serve the stupid git right to get eatin' by my 25+ pound cat. :D



No stealing, k? 'Twould be very bad fer yer health if ya were ta do so. So if ya want somethin', just ask me luvs!